3 years down the road, and I think I've come a long way. But there is always this sense of unfulfilled potential, that I could be so much more than what I am now. So many 'what if...' and 'if only...' situations. This year I'll be 21, and time is slowly running out. Having all the potential in the world is pointless if it just remains as 'potential'. I don't want to be the guy who 'looked so promising when he was young' but ended up nowhere later in life.

But there will always be someone who is a better improviser, someone who's a better clarinetist, someone who's a better keyboardist/pianist, someone with better saxophone tone, someone who writes better string quartets, someone who has done killin' arrangements.

It's depressing.

What's the point of being the best of something average? Maybe I need something to spur me on, to challenge my musical ego. Sometimes I wish there were more horn players around in college, more people with the same passion for the things I do. And maybe a bit less of the ones who complain only.

Ah. How I wish every day was Jazz Camp. Better getting my ass kicked daily then have it sit around rotting away.