A friend's recent blog entry on the subject of humility, confidence and arrogance got me thinking when she posed this question: Is it possible to be humble yet confident at the same time? And does being confident in myself mean that I am arrogant?

First, let us get our definitions right (just like Pendidikan Moral...). From my trusty Mac OSX Dashboard Thesaurus:

1. Humility: Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance.

2. Confidence: A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

3. Arrogance: Having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.

So, can we be humble, yet confident at the same time? I think we can, but it is not an easy task. For me, it means that I am humble in the sense that I don't go around showing off my multitude of abilities and talents at every single opportunity. However, I am confident in myself and I know what I am capable of.

This of course only exists in an ideal world; in reality everyone knows what David Ling is like.

Yes, we are all humans and we are all guilty of overstepping the line between self-confidence and arrogance once in a while. That is where confidence and arrogance are related: too much confidence in oneself = arrogance. But then again, different people and different cultures have different perceptions of said line. What self-confidence is to one party may be arrogance to another, and vice versa. And different cultures does not necessarily mean different countries; from my experience, mixing with people from KL is a whole lot different from hanging out with my Kuching friends.

Therefore, we try to adapt. We change the way we speak, the way we act around other people, so that we fit in. That is where the 'humble but confident' part should kick in. However, as human beings, we crave for confirmation of our talents. Sometimes, knowing that I can do something is not enough; the whole world should know I can hold my breath for 10 minutes/sing Negaraku in falsetto/play 6 million notes a second on my guitar. And the worst part is, sometimes we don't even realise that we are showing off. That is when overconfidence has led to arrogance. We then (purposely or inadvertently) start taking a condescending view of others around us, and get branded as arrogant.

But that is when you deserve it.

On the other hand, being too humble never works either, especially in the music industry. How do you expect to make a living if you just shut up and mind your own business in your own little corner? That is why I go to public jam sessions regularly, and when at a gig I try to make friends with the musicians there. In the music world, degrees count for nothing, it's your connections that matters most. And I will only dare to play music at an open jam session with some of Malaysia's finest musicians if I have some sort of confidence in my playing ability. Unfortunately KL culture is a whole world apart from Kuching; things which I can take for granted back home are seen differently here. That is why you get different views on self-confidence and arrogance.

So what should we do? Well I think the 'humble yet confident' thingy is a good idea. But we all know that is near impossible. Then we should keep this in mind - to quote my friend: "Before you start judging others as arrogant, see to it that your judgement doesn't come from a twisted self-esteem."

Food for thought.